I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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