I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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