I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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