Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
