how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize