I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
