I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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