My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
