did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
