I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
