Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
