Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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