What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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