New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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