i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
