He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
