Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
