atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
