I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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