We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
