so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
