It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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