based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
