The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize