we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
