So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
