I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
