I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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