Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
