Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
