I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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