Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
