we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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