So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
