I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
