you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
