he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
