i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
