ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
