by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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