she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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