you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
