I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
