Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
