When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
