my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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