You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
