On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
