I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize