You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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