My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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