I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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