nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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