don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
