Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
