11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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