she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
