WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
a search helicopter?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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