I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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