He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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