Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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