you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
