party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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