so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
