i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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