I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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