i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
