Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
