Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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