I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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