She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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