dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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